Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Horse Sense

Yes, I was crying. I wasn't really hurt. The tears that streaked down my dust-covered cheeks we tears of shame. "Pippy doesn't have an onion! Pippy doesn't have an onion!" The other kids had stopped hucking dirt clods but the taunts continued to come. You see it was the fashion of the day to wear a yellow onion tied to one's waist. My folks were out of work and we had narry an onion to spare. As I looked down at my scuffed knee and muddy knickers I saw a shadow pass over me from behind and I caught a sweet sort of horsey-sweat scent in the air. "Why of course ee has an onion!" I looked back and perchance I imagined it, but me thinks I saw a wink come from that monocled eye. "But his onion is a red candy onion" he said as he produced what looked like a magical red onion the likes of which the King of Sheeba would have tied around HIS waist. When I looked closer I thought I saw chunks of hard candy and lint covering the onion. "Well I want one," said Jiffronson, the biggest of the boys. The kindly man smiled and handed it over. Jiff took several big bites then started crying. It was just an onion after all. "My mouth tastes like horse hoof" he yelled as he ran away. Before I could thank the man I hardly knew, he was gone, but a REAL red onion fell in my lap. I quickly tied it around my waist and, from that day on, when the other kids admired the cut of my gib, I thought of that kindly man what comes and goes leaving a trail of sticky lint behind.

4 comments:

Kristopher Gillespie said...

This entry brought back some bitter memories for me. I don't know what was more painful the shame or the dirt clods? Wait... Now I remember, it was the dirt clods. Some wounds will never heal and I will never forgive you Mother Earth.

Erin and Spencer said...

that is so classic. me and jake haven't laughed that hard in who knows how long. It started to hurt the back of my head.
thank you...

JethRobyn said...

"My mouth tastes like horse hoof"
I feel your pain, Jiff. That is one of the most original entries I've ever encountered. Thank you.

Stefanie said...

Spence,
You are always so funny!!! I'm glad that blogging can keep me laughing with all your stories!!!!